perldiver

avivasedai  and I went to see Knowing last night.  Oh.  My.  Freaking.  God.  AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!


I'm going to spoil this movie for you RIGHT NOW, as an act of mercy:  This girl in 1959 puts a message in a time capsule consisting of nothing but numbers.  The numbers are dates and lat / long pairs for disasters and the number of people killed in each.  The final one ends with "EE" which Nicholas Cage discovers means "Everyone Else".  These creepy Aryan-looking blond guys in black trench coats have been following Nick and his son Caleb around.  Then Nick looks for 1959-chick and discovers that she's dead, but her daughter Diana (later in the movie, her name changes to Diane, but whatever) and her granddaughter Abbey are still around.  Scary-Aryan-guys have been following them too. 

So, this is the first 50-75% of the movie and it's actually pretty cool.  Lots of great ways this could go.  Fantastic.

Then the rest of the movie happens.

God is going to destroy the world via a super-mega-giganto-solar flare, and the blond guys are angels.  They've been sent in their space ships to pick up two humans (Caleb and Abbey), plus two of each animals (we see Caleb and Abbey each carrying a bunny).  They take all of these folks to another planet and drop them in a garden (well, a wheat field).  The last shot is the kids running towards a giant tree that was apparently left over from Lothlorien's set.   (Hey, why NOT borrow props?  Maybe some of that "good script" talent will rub off!)

This bothers me on *so* many levels, but the key one is this:  if you want to make a religious movie fine, go for it, but TELL ME IN THE PREVIEWS, so I don't waste my time and money.  I shouldn't have to listen to your eight-figure two-hour version infomercial for God And The Consequences Of Pissing Him Off.  I was tricked into seeing this movie and I DO NOT LIKE IT.